Tonight I’m not in SecondLife. It will be the first time in quite a while that I’ve been completely shut out of SecondLife. This is a consequence of my failing to obey precisely what my Miss directed me to do, something I’ve been doing quite a bit of late. So Miss set me an assignment this evening. First, write about control and my responsibility in ensuring that I get the level of control that I need. Second, do something fun that has nothing to do with SecondLife. So, this evening I’m writing here, watching Quentin Tarantino movies and working on some major cleanup in my music library prior to loading in a whole big bunch of stuff that Miss sent me not long ago. In terms of timeline, I’m bouncing back and forth a bit. Largely because the music organizing has a lot of down time waiting for steps to complete.
So what exactly is control? Control is what my Miss exercises when she locks my tack in SL, when she tells me what form to take in SL, when she tells me to do things whether in FirstLife or in SecondLife. Control is an essential part of the power exchange that is at the heart of any D/s relationship. It’s also something I desperately need or I should say, I desperately need someone else to wield in at least part of my life. With everything going on here, I’m the one who has to be in charge of everything, and it’s wearing at times. Sometimes I just need to not be the one in charge.
In SecondLife it’s easy. Thanks to the wonder of RLV, I have no control of restraints and other fun toys. Miss’s control is hers for the exercising. It gets more tricky outside of SL, Miss’s control is more dependent on my obedience and follow-through. We’re hundreds of miles apart, there’s no way she can directly exert her control. No matter how much I may say I want her control, if I don’t actually obey then she’s powerless.
That last word is key, this is all about power exchange, my submission to my Miss is demonstrated in the power and control I give up to her. If I don’t obey her, consistently, completely, then I’m not actually giving any power up to her and so it’s just playacting. That’s not what either of us wants, this isn’t about playacting. It’s about me submitting to her.
The pattern I discussed the other night is very typical of ADHD, but that doesn’t mean it’s not manageable. I can and do manage my ADHD, and I can and must manage it more in obedience to my Miss. I’ll make mistakes, and Miss will hold me accountable and punish my mistakes. I’ll learn strategies to ensure I don’t repeat my mistakes, and things will improve and continue to improve.
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