It’s been a couple of rough weeks. Mostly due to RL stuff. It’s been a struggle, but there’s one thing I know and will never, ever forget: Miss is there for me. Always. Her support and occasional ass-kicking has gone a long way to helping me pull out of the latest beginning spiral.
We’ve both been struggling a bit with her not being in SecondLife as much, but it’s not at all like she’s abandoned me, or is ignoring me. Far from it in fact. She’s a constant presence in my life, and we’re finding ways she can express her control in forms that resonate well with me. Yesterday she told me of some new rules she was imposing:
1. No more speaking when she’s not with me. Emoting only. That comes from a request I made. A friend of mine has a rule from her Miss that she must be gagged at all times when not in her Miss’s presence. I asked Miss Tara if she’d consider that rule for me, and she gave me this one for the moment.
2. When I am at Forum, if I am not actively snuggling with anyone, I am to emote something that invites anyone interested to come snuggle.
3. Every day, last thing before I go to bed, I am to send Miss an email letting her know where I am emotionally.
She says she’ll be making modifications to these rules when I change from tiger form, and may add more. It’s really helping, a lot, that she’s taking control like this, that she’s re-asserting her authority. Not that there was any real conscious question of her authority or control, but it feels more real, more visceral, when she asserts it directly like this. It’s the old head/gut thing. I know in my head that I’m hers, that she’s in complete control. It’s when she grabs hold like this, that I get it in my gut, that I know it like I know how to breathe. Over time, the need for these sort of reinforcements is going to fade I’m sure, but for right now, I’m feeling my Miss’s control, and that’s powerful.
I’m slowly getting back to the Forum too, it’s curious how I’m finding that I can take it for a while, but then need to go find a quiet spot. Seems that over the last month or so I’ve been becoming more introverted again. Not good or bad necessarily, just interesting.
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