It may have been obvious in the last few posts, but I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. Well I’m not the only one, Miss has been too. The good news is we’re both working our way out of our respective funks. The slightly less good news is I seem to be working my way out of mine a little fast than she is. The slightly better news is that we’re both there for each other at all times, and in every sense feasible.
I’ve come to realise in the last few days how similar we both are in some ways, and yet at the same time how different. Similar in that we both are plagued with self-doubt and find ourselves falling into that spiral. She pulled me out by sheer force of ownership. In essence saying “You’re my property damn it, and I chose you because you’re worth it, and I demand as your owner you pull out of that spiral”. Those weren’t her words, but the message is close enough. She is my owner, I am her property, and in no small part because my owner demanded it of me, I am pulling out of that spiral. Miss is working her way out of her own spiral, and I’m helping her as much as I can. The other night she needed to confront a few things and I helped her do so. Sometimes her boy needs to also be her best friend and for a short while not be her boy.
The other thing that has really struck home is one of the significant differences, and it’s related to things I’ve been blogging about lately. Miss feels her Master’s ownership simply by thinking of him, or hearing his voice. She is able to actualize her status as his property very simply and deeply, without the need for anything external. I envy her that. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been much more bondage oriented and less submission/slavery oriented through my life, but I struggle to actualize her ownership of me without the props, without the bondage, locked by her hand, in SL. Just knowing that I’m in my puppy gear in SL (right now for example) because she wished it, and because she locked it; that makes her ownership of me tangible in ways that very little else does. Especially, it stays with me better than anything else. I can be at the office and think briefly about my current state in SL and her ownership of me surges to the foreground. There are other things that trigger to be sure: her voice definitely triggers me, most deeply when she is giving me a task, or other order. It doesn’t stick as well as the bondage though.
The thing of it is though, when you boil it right down, holding that sense of being owned outside SL is the more real ownership. I am my Miss’s property whether in SL, RL, Mars, or at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. I really do wish that I was far enough along the path to be able to make that real for myself the way Miss can. I know in time I will. There are degrees to which it’s constantly real for me that never have been in the past. I’ve had glimmers, moments of it before, but never to this depth and degree, and I am really eager to move further down the path. Sprint even.
SL may come and go, Miss may be in SL or not, I may be in SL or not. Doesn’t, mustn’t, won’t change a thing about her Ownership of me. One simple word: Hers.
In other news, I’m getting ready to step back up to the scripting table. I’ve let things languish for a while and I’m getting eager to resume where I left off again. Even have a couple interesting product ideas…
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