It’s been a bit of a rough week or so, and what is interesting to me is the degree to which I didn’t realise it, but Miss Tara did.

Work has been piling up a bit, not too badly, but more than I’d like. The situation with my step-daughter continues to evolve and we’re still not sure how it’s all going to end up. In conjunction with that, my wife and I, her mom and our step-daughter were interviewed a little while ago for a report for the court. In my mother-in-law’s interview she made statements about how the kids “Lived in squalor”, were forced to “Scrounge for food” and that she believed my wife and I were current substance abusers. I’ll freely admit that I’m addicted to cigarettes. Other than that, I haven’t used any recreational drug other than alcohol in…… um….. 20 years? More? My wife drinks extremely rarely, like maybe three drinks a year. Yes, I said year. I have maybe one per month. But substance abusers? Please.

What I hadn’t realised was just how much this was impacting me again. Miss Tara called me yesterday to talk about it, because she was seeing the beginnings of the kind of spiral I got myself in towards the end of last year. She also noticed that my recent blog entries have been more “Hey, we had a party!” than “Hmm, here’s some interesting insight into my journey”. Again, something I hadn’t noticed, but it was telling I think.

I haven’t been doing all that great the last week or so. I’ve been worrying a fair bit about everything that’s going on, got a fresh one today, there seems to be something going on with my wife’s vision. She’s been having difficulty reading, and I noticed last night that her pupils are uneven. I sent a note to her neurologist and we’re waiting to hear back. If I don’t hear anything today, I’m calling the advise line tomorrow.

Does this mean I’m spiraling back into severe depression? No, I don’t think it does. It means I could, but thanks to my Miss, we’ve caught it early enough to do something effective about it.

We had a long talk about what’s going on, and stuff, yesterday and at one point Miss asked me (in reference to the nonsense going on with my mother-in-law), “What do you have control over?” My first reply was “myself”, but I then quickly said “No, wait, you have control over that” and we both laughed. She really does look out for me, and pushes me hard when I need it to, in her words, “take proper care of my property”. The comfort and peace I get from knowing that she’s there, that she’s got my back, is intensely powerful. She tells me every day how proud she is of me, and how happy I make her. I often lose the words to express how much it means to me being hers, knowing that no matter what, she’s there to prop me up when I need it, kick my ass when I need it, and of course, the converse is true as well, I’m there for her in whatever manner or form she needs me to be.

Today marks two weeks since she put her permanent collar on me. There’s nothing other than an errant bus I can think of that will ever change that. I know I’ve expressed similar things about my previous Owners, but this has a finality, and a reality that none of them had. I do miss my Miss in-world while she’s been getting up to speed with her new job, and moving. I don’t miss my Miss though if that makes sense. She’s with me always, and we talk whether by IM or my phone several times a day, every day, without fail. She may be absent from SecondLife for a little while (but not for long!), but she’s not absent from my life by any stretch. It sounds cliche, but it’s true: I’m the luckiest slave alive.

Related posts:

1. Ever have one of those weeks?
2. At some point you've got to let it go, Enigma
3. It’s all about control and the exercise thereof
4. A tough post to write
5. When life gives you a serious kick in the ass

3 Responses

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1. 

   Tara

   You do make me proud, my boy.

   And there will be no errant buses! hehe *hugs*

   April 6, 2010 at 12:01
2. 

   corvan

   Yes Miss, no buses

   April 6, 2010 at 13:10
3. 

   Chrissy

   *hugs both*

   April 7, 2010 at 08:05