This morning I showed off my new house to my Miss. She really likes it. It includes a built-in dungeon with two cells, one a tiny isolation cell behind a hidden door.

As an exercise, she asked me to get into the isolation cell and remain there for exactly one hour, blogging about how it is, and what feelings/thoughts come up. She’s sitting outside the cell, looking in periodically as I stand quietly (mostly) in the cell. I’m still leashed which is a really nice extra touch.

For the record, I went in the cell at precisely 7:04:36 PST.

Some times when I’m locked down for an extended period I’ll go off RL and do other things, surf, write emails, etc; or I will work on SL stuff like scripts or inventory organization, or etc. Today I’m doing none of that. All I will do is the blog, TinyEmpires, and respond to any IMs I might get while I wait. Maybe take a few pictures…

Fifteen minutes in and I’ve got three nice pictures that set the scene.

Over Miss Tara's shoulder

Pony in Isolation

My view of my Miss

When we were talking earlier, she mentioned that she’d said to her Master that she didn’t want things to be easy. That really resonated for me. If it’s easy all the time, then there’s no growth, no improvement, no expansion. When it’s too easy, it’s just play. I say just… play is good, play is fun. Play is not growth though, and growth is what life is about. I want to please my Miss, I want to be a better slave for her today than I was yesterday. Challenges like this are how I will achieve that.

I mentioned that the one disappointment I had with the house was that I can always unlock the cage doors (the way the scripts are written, the object owner always has admin rights). Miss Tara seized on that as a means to exercise my submission. Staying put because she told me to, not because I have no choice. This will come as no surprise to anyone, but I’m a serious bondage slut. There’s nothing I like better than to be solidly trussed up… or is there something better? Knowing that I’m pleasing my Miss, making her proud of me, bringing joy to her life; that’s really hitting hard and deep. Yes, bondage brings pleasure and happiness, but obeying my Miss, bringing all these things to her by my submission; that is bringing greater joy and contentment into my life.

It’s sounding sort of like I’m just discovering what it is to be submissive… I don’t think that’s what is really going on, but perhaps what I am doing is peeling back another layer and finding depth that I hadn’t really encountered before. There’s only one thing in my life more important than my Miss’s happiness and that’s my wife’s happiness. My own happiness comes a close third, but is definitely behind Her’s and Her’s (grin).

I haven’t actually sat down and thought deep thoughts about the nature of my submission, and of my relationship with my Miss in quite some time. One of the realisations I’m having is that bondage is fairly selfish in a way, same for all my various forms and such. It becomes about what I enjoy doing, or being, or about what restrictions I enjoy. I’m not saying that this is a bad thing per se, but it hadn’t occurred to me before how much more important it is for me to be/do/etc what pleases Miss Tara, rather than having her do what makes me happy. Making her happy/proud/etc. has always been important to me, but I think it’s fair to say that I didn’t really realise how important it was. I know that my happiness is important to her and I know in my bones that she cares about me, and cares for me. I don’t need to worry about myself and getting what I need because I know implicitly that she will take care of me. I think that is the source of “topping from the bottom”, not trusting the top/Dom/Domme/Master/Miss/pick your label, to take care of the bottom/sub/slave/etc’s needs. Maybe this will allow me to purge even the hints of topping from the bottom that still sneak out from time to time.

When my hour is up, I’m going to step out of the cell, kneel before her and await her pleasure. Until then, I’m going to wrap up this blog and publish it. I’ve got about 10 minutes left and I feel like if she asked me to, I could go for hours or even days, simply because she wished it. I’m where I am because my Miss wishes it so. How can it be any better than that?

Related posts:

1. One simple word, HERS
2. Some thoughts on submission and communication
3. It’s all about control and the exercise thereof
4. A quiet evening at the Forum
5. Ponderings while waiting for a test run to complete…