The essay just published on punishment was done as a punishment for Miss Tara. One of my struggles is that I have a tendency to procrastinate, and to forget what is on my to-do list. In this case it was Miss Tara’s standing rule to send her my weekly schedule on Sunday. I remembered briefly during the day yesterday, but as the day wore on I forgot. I do not offer that as an excuse, but as an explanation. I believe explanations are important, excuses are not.
Miss Tara is keeping me accountable to the rules she has established and it is a discipline I need. I need to be held accountable, and I need to improve at following through. Miss Tara, by holding me accountable, is helping me become better at this.
There is no question that I want to obey her in all things. I do not and will not deliberately disobey Miss Tara. I do not want to be punished, except when I deserve it and then I crave it so that Miss Tara can forgive and so I can forgive myself. Disobeying in order to be punished is not something I would consciously do. Miss Tara enquired the first time she punished me whether I was testing to see if she would. I do not believe that was the case, but will concede that at a subconscious level I may have been. I have no doubt that she will punish when required. I do not ever want to disappoint her, and the punishment she imposes is frankly nothing compared to the disappointment I feel for letting her down.
The good news though is as time goes on, we improve.
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