I’m not even sure if that’s the right way to put it either. I’m feeling thoroughly overwhelmed by life (RL), especially work which is piled up and I’m seriously stuck. I just can’t get into a consistent roll with the project I’ve got. Oh yeah, and I’m supposed to have it done, reviewed and checked in my end of day Tuesday. Highly unlikely at this point.
I’m just feeling completely out of sorts. I know that it’s not an accurate perception, but it feels like nothing is going right at the moment. Oddly, the least of it is that Miss deka hasn’t been able to be around much the last week. No, I’m not going off the deep end like last time, I know she’s fine and we’re fine, I just miss Her.
Things are going reasonably well with my wife and I, there’s some stuff we’re struggling with of course, but nothing earth shaking. Her surgery is on Wednesday and we’re both really looking forward to her getting her head put back together again. There’s a few ways I feel like I’m letting her down though, details aren’t important, but I’m not thrilled with how I’m doing with her right now.
My daughter’s back in the hospital, been there almost 10 days now. This time she’s making death threats against me. We’ve got some insight into where she’s at, but that hasn’t helped a lot. In a nutshell, she blames me for the death of her mother. In her eyes her mother died when she had the stroke and a stranger occupies her body now. Since she’s always blamed me for her mom’s stroke, that leads to she blames me for killing her mom… I wonder if I’m ever going to get my little girl back.
Meanwhile, this thing with work is really beating me down. I’ve managed to piss away a nearly a month and feel like I’ve got almost nothing to show for it, and I still can’t get on a decent roll… There’s going to come a point, and it may be soon, when they say “Sorry, but we’re going to have to let you go…” I feel the sword of Damocles hanging over my neck, and I feel powerless to do much about it. I’m muddling through as best I can right now, forcing myself to keep plodding even though it feels like three steps forward, two steps back…
I guess the summary is: I’m feeling depressed, I’m not sure how to break out of it, and the pressure just keeps piling up making it harder to break out of it.
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