Unless something major happens, going to leave RL out. Suffice to say things aren’t great but there’s some hope they’re going to stabilise.

Definitely not my best weekend in a long time, and there’s a myriad of reasons for that. I’m going to focus in on one that’s got me feeling not too great. I’ll set the scene and then reflect on it.

Sunday morning I was sitting at the circle at Forum when Miss deka came online. After the week I’ve had, the relief and joy at seeing her online was enormous. It wasn’t long before I jumped back home and joined her while she was changing. I was in Dollie form at Tara’s suggestion the day before, and while we chatted, Miss was changing into her own Dollie form. We both talked of how RL is going for us, hers is looking up considerably, and all was well.

We both headed afk, her to shower, me to take a walk, and the plan as I understood it was to reconnect afterward. She gave me an assignment to do if I returned before her, and off we both went. I had a very nice walk, and when I returned I got to work on my assignment. Miss was no longer online but I figured she’d idled out.

An hour stretched to two, and I was getting very sleepy. Early afternoon is always bad for me, especially when I’m chronically short on sleep as I am these last couple of weeks. I logged and took a nap.

Two hours later I log back in and still no sign of Miss deka. One troubling aspect of this is that before she left, she put me in a kneeling pose through my collar. Because it’s locked (of course) I’m unable to release the pose. It came about as she was playing with me a little as she was changing, I guess I get a bit frantic when my AOs conflict with each other and I end up embedded in the floor and she was yanking my chain with it a little .

But she’s not been back online since, and she’s sent no word either through email, YIM or SL. It leaves me in an uncomfortable position, and concerned that everything is alright, and frankly feeling a little down. There’s many possibilities for what happened. Her internet connection went down and she was unable to get on, something else happened in RL which prevented her from getting on, etc. I really hope it is one of these or something functionally equivalent.

I’m fighting it, but it’s left me feeling not too great to be honest. I’m quite sure that I’m just reacting to how horribly this last week has gone. Everyone out here is working hard (including me) to make sure that my wife and our daughter are taken care of, but there’s really no one who’s working to make sure I’m taken care of. I guess the biggest thing that’s hitting me was that yesterday morning when Miss deka came on I was so looking forward to having some time when someone was going to be taking care of me for a while. Selfish I know, but it’s been that kind of a week. I’m feeling let down and more than a little bit sorry for myself. I’m emphatically not saying that Miss deka let me down or that she’s in any way at fault, these are my feelings and I own them. I’m reacting to everything, and frankly reacting rather poorly.

So I await Miss deka’s return. My options are a bit limited, I can take human form, pony form or doll form. Well, I can take all those forms, but my AOs are constantly fighting with the kneel so I have to flip them on and off whenever I move or stop moving. I can’t take on tiger, panther or puppy forms with the kneel locked on because the kneel pose is completely out of place with those forms. It may seem odd that I’m complaining about being restricted (I trying not to be complaining, honest), but it’s like the difference between doing something for fun and doing it because its a punishment. If I’m stuck in the kneel because Miss deka wants it that way then all is well and I’m a happy subbie. If I’m stuck in the kneel because she wasn’t able to get back on to release it then not so much. I wish I knew which it was because it is the not knowing that is gnawing at me.

Related posts:

1. Another weekend draws to a close
2. Not a lot to report
3. Skipped a day, catching up
4. A wonderful start to the day
5. A fun few days

4 Responses

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1. 

   Samie Ashdene

   Don't look to into it Corvan. I'm sure it will all work out for you. Remember that so many care about how YOU are doing. Although a lot of us do care about your wife and daughter, YOU are our main concern. Remember you are my Sweet One and my dear Little Brother. I love you.-Samie

   August 10, 2009 at 15:12
2. 

   Corvan

   Thanks Samie, I wouldn't be able to do this all without the support I get from all of you.

   August 10, 2009 at 15:40
3. 

   Tara Reardon

   Corvan,

   I second what Samie said!

   Big huggggs,
   Tara

   August 10, 2009 at 20:38
4. 

   Reggm Heron

   I third what samie said

   August 13, 2009 at 01:10