From the very beginning of my SecondLife, I’ve been clear that in fairness to my RL wife I must not have sex in SL. I’ve read both sides of the argument, SecondLife is completely disjoint from RL and that it’s not the physical act, rather it’s the emotional element that’s the problem. Yet I’m falling hard for Miss Wednesdai and I’m hoping (and finding so far) that it is disjoint from RL.
I love my wife dearly, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her, and frankly, since the stroke our sex life has been better than it had been for years. None of this is changing now that I’m in SL, I still love her with all my heart, and we still have a great sex life. I will not allow anything to jeopardise that.
At the same time, I’m definitely falling in love with Wednesdai in SecondLife. It’s bringing up all kinds of things, some more pragmatic than others. The elephant in the room is sex, or particularly my participation. I want nothing more than to make Miss happy, if that means giving her dozens of orgasms so much the better. If that means orgasms for me (SecondLife orgasms) then that’s really nice too. would love nothing more than to be able to swap into SecondLife for a couple hours to really make love with Wednesdai.
Am I betraying my RL wife? I don’t think so, I certainly hope not. As I see it there’s only really two ways that line really gets crossed. Maybe I’m rationalising to allow myself to go to the next level sexually with Wednesdai, gut tells me I’m not, if my gut’s wrong then it’s too late already, I have crossed that line. The two ways I think I really cross the line: First, neglecting my wife’s needs in favor of Wednesdai’s. On reflection this has nothing to do with sex at all, it applies equally to when Miss and I are just sitting around chatting. If my wife’s needs aren’t being met then simply chatting with Miss is a betrayal. The second way I can see that I could betray her is if the sexual activity crosses the line from SecondLife to RL. By this I mean, if I orgasm in RL due to what’s happening in SecondLife then I believe I’ve gone too far. Ultimately it’s all about how SecondLife affects RealLife. As my good friend put it, and as I am finding, SecondLife and RealLife can be kept completely disjoint, they just need to be kept that way and the priorities need to be kept straight: RealLife always trumps SecondLife.
On the more pragmatic side, I have never had cybersex. Last night as I was with Wednesdai I felt like I was 16 again, not sure what I was doing, fumbling with how to do it, and in particular (and this is new) how to describe it. Sex in SecondLife is largely verbal. There’s a degree of non-verbal action, but really, it’s a described event. I knew what I wanted do a number of times, I just didn’t have the words to adequately describe it. I can’t speak for Wednesdai here, but I found it intensely frustrating not being able to put into words what I was feeling and what I wanted to do moment-to-moment. I don’t think it is hopeless, as we continued I found myself starting to get the hang of it…. then….
Miss Wednesdai dropped offline very suddenly, and never returned. I’m trying really hard not to overanalyse, but… It could simply be computer/network problems in which case we share a laugh and try again, possibly with some slightly re-written ground rules. That’s the scenario that worries me least and I really hope it’s what was actually going on. Another possibility is that I simply sucked at it. I can easily believe this one, I was struggling and I think it showed (jeez Corvan, self-doubt much?). The next possibility really concerns me. I hope it’s not the case, but I can’t get the possibility out of my head: Wednesdai freaked out at how close we were to breaking the hard limit I established right from the very start. I really hope that isn’t the case because I fear it could put our relationship at risk and I really don’t want that at all. All I know for sure right now is: Miss Wednesdai was having connection problems over the last few days; She popped out at a really bad time and did not return.
That leaves me sitting at home, wondering what I can/should do and generally worrying. At the very least, I can take the opportunity to do some inventory cleaning while I await her return.
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